This is most certainly NOT true...

       I grew up in the Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod, the most conservative of the Lutheran denominations in the U.S.  The LCMS got even more conservative in the mid-70s with a purge of seminary students and instructors from one of their two seminaries and having a small portion of their congregations break away and form a different denomination before the rebels joined the more liberal Lutheran denominations and formed the Lutheran Church in America.  This kerfuffle has been experienced by other churches in one shape or another in past and recent history and is the nature of the beast.
      In catechism class which I undertook from 5th thru 8th grade we had to memorize large portions of Luther's Small Catechism.  Luther would interpret Scripture and put his spin on it and end his two cents with the phrase, "This is most certainly true".  So when we said the memorized passages while looking up at our six foot six pastor we would end our pronouncements with that phrase (at least some of the poorer students in class could confidently announce that ditty to end their twisting in the wind and would sit down awash in relief). 
     Let's examine some of the beliefs of the LCMS as written in Luther's Small Catechism.......

- The LCMS believes that the wine and the wafer represent the true body and blood of their Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  They do not believe in transubstantiation as their old nemesis the Roman Catholics believe but it is only a step away.  Of course, churches believe it is not the true body and blood of Brian, er...Jesus and set up their own churches over this disagreement with Martin Luther and fought subsequent warfare over this smashingly important question.

- Husbands should love their wives but wives should SUBMIT (no mention of love, ladies) to your husband.  By the way, the LCMS just thinks the Apostle Paul is the greatest thing since strudel and you will see them channeling the ol' misogynist all over the place.  Naturally, the LCMS does not allow women pastors and rarely will you see a woman assist with communion.  In many congregations women are just now receiveing the right to vote.  When I was growing up the ladies were to get the men coffee and go back to the kitchen while the men did the voting.  Good times good times.....

- Widows, no worries, the LCMS has you covered..."..But the widow who lives for pleasure is dead even while she lives (no worries gentlemen as you are not mentioned-continue what you were doing)."  My twice-widowed mother is having the time of her life with her purple-follicled elementary school classmate going dancing three times a week and playing cards at the senior citizen center twice a week.  The joy in her voice is palpable when I talk to her each week.  But according to the LCMS and the bible  she is a horrible sinner and probably going to hell-despite going to church each week.  Verses like these make hypocrites out of good people because they are forced to ignore the nonsense or turn into Westboro Baptist idiots if they don't.  Is there any other religion that forces its adherents to be hypocrites in order to be a normal person in society and religious as well? 

Well, that is a brief tour of the wasteland of LCMS doctrine-there's obviously more but they are the standard fundamentalist pablum we all know and love......now I'd better get to work just in case my mother and her friend need any bail money.  Cheers.
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